Making Room for Yourself Before the Holidays
Have you ever looked forward to spending time with people you love and, at the same time, wished you could stay home?
The holidays can bring out both feelings. We want the connection, the familiar faces, the traditions. But sometimes the thought of one more gathering, one more meal to organize, or one more evening out feels like a lot.
I like routine. I like my practices, my familiar habits, and a certain amount of structure in my day. Holidays have a way of rearranging all of that. There is something useful to learn about ourselves when our routines meet the people we love.
Years ago, when Yanni turned 40, his mother wanted to throw him a big surprise party. She loves to entertain, and this was a celebration she wanted to share.
Knowing Yanni, I could see that a big party might be a little more celebration than he wanted! So we made it a gathering of six: his parents, my parents, and the two of us.
It was lovely.
When I spoke with his mother about it, she remembered that he had preferred smaller gatherings even as a child. Given the choice, he would often invite one friend over.
That understanding changed how we approached the evening. We could celebrate him in a way that actually felt good to him.
There is a lesson here that reaches well beyond birthday parties.
Know what you are making room for
It is easy to become so occupied with how something is supposed to happen that we lose sight of why we wanted it in the first place.
We want to spend time with family. Then we become attached to the menu, the schedule, the number of people at the table, or how long everyone should stay. Before we know it, the connection we wanted is competing with the effort of arranging it.
I have written about this as the difference between the “what” and the “how.”
The what is what matters to you. The how is the way you have decided it needs to happen.
For Yanni’s birthday, the what was simple: celebrate someone we love. The how had room to change.
Try bringing that distinction into your own holiday plans. Perhaps what you want is time with someone you rarely see. Perhaps it is the pleasure of making a family recipe together, or a quiet morning before the house fills up.
Get clear about that. Then look at the arrangements.
Some may support what matters to you. Others may have become habits that nobody has thought to question for years.
You are allowed to think about them now.
Autumn offers a little perspective
In the Taoist Five Element tradition we explore at West Wind Yoga, autumn is associated with the Metal element. Reflection, refinement, and letting go are among its themes.
Look at a tree in autumn. There is beauty in what it has grown, and there is change already underway. We can appreciate both.
I love the reflective quality of this season. It invites us to look at the year we have lived, the choices we have made, and what we have learned along the way. Even happy memories can carry a little sadness. We recognize that a particular time has passed.
There is value in taking that reflection a step further.
What do you want to carry forward from this year?
Perhaps you learned that you enjoy a smaller gathering. That your practice matters more when life gets busy. That a certain relationship deserves more of your attention, or that you have been giving a great deal without leaving much time to replenish yourself.
This is where seasonal reflection becomes useful. It helps us make choices.
As autumn moves toward winter, the traditional seasonal teachings turn toward inward attention and nourishment. Meanwhile, our social calendars may be moving in quite the opposite direction.
You may recognize that tension. You want to join in, and you also want an evening at home. Knowing that about yourself gives you something to work with.
You don’t have to be the life of every party.
Give yourself a moment to hear the answer
This is one reason I return to practice. It gives me a place to notice what is happening before I rush into the next decision.
Of course, sitting down quietly does not mean everything inside us immediately becomes quiet. My own introduction to meditation made that very clear! Sometimes we finally stop moving and discover just how much has been moving around in our heads.
Begin there.
Set aside two or three minutes. Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet supported, or choose another position that feels easy. Keep your eyes open if you prefer.
Notice where your body meets the chair or the floor. Let your hands rest. Allow your breath to come and go without trying to make it deeper or slower.
For these few minutes, leave the planning alone. When your attention returns to the list, notice that and come back to the feeling of being seated.
Then bring one upcoming plan to mind.
Ask yourself: what am I hoping this will give me, or allow me to share?
Take a little time with the answer. You might discover that you want company, rest, laughter, or a chance to show someone you care. Once you recognize that, consider whether the plan you have made supports it.
Perhaps it does. Perhaps one small adjustment would make it easier to enjoy.
Finish by noticing the room around you, moving your hands and feet, and giving yourself a moment before standing.
The practice continues in what you choose next.
A yes you can enjoy
In my book, I explore both saying no and saying yes. There are times when holding a boundary helps us care for what matters. There are also times when loosening our grip on a preference allows us to enjoy the people in front of us.
It takes some honesty to recognize which one we are facing.
Am I tired and in need of rest? Am I resisting because this is different from my usual routine? Would a simpler plan allow me to participate with more ease?
We learn through paying attention, trying something, and noticing how it goes. That is familiar territory for anyone with a yoga practice.
The gathering of six worked because it made room for the person we were celebrating. The same care can guide the choices we make for ourselves and the people we love this season.
Before adding something else to the calendar, take a moment to remember what you want that time to hold.
Then make a little room for it.
Come home to yourself at Calm Balm
That is the invitation Erin and I are extending with Calm Balm.
Before the holiday season gets underway, join us at West Wind Yoga for an evening of guided meditation, sound healing, and reiki. We are keeping the gathering small, with space for ten guests.
You don’t have to arrive feeling calm, centered, or ready for the holidays. Come as you are. Give yourself an evening to pause and receive some care before it all begins.
Friday, November 20, 2026 · 6–8 pm West Wind Yoga Workshop Space 523 Bogart Place, Scranton, PA 18503
$49 · Limited to 10 guests · All levels welcome
We have a wonderful evening planned. I can’t wait to see you.
Namaste, Lara
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